Loopy Cunts And Treacherous Weasels
One by one, they came into Al’s office. In the greatest of detail he explained to each why they were a loopy cunt or a treacherous weasel. Then he beat the crap out of them, or cut their throat, and called in the next.
And so it went, for three years, on “Deadwood”. Watching Al nearly perfectly calculate every angle (empowered mostly by an incisive, uncompromisingly honest appraisal of human nature) and then with such clarity, commitment and ruthlessness, do what needed to be done, it all became so clear. Al didn’t fuck around. He stayed alive, and he stayed in power. On Sept. 10, we all went to bed in Mayberry. On Sept. 11, we all woke up in Deadwood. Some may ask, “What would Jesus do?” In this day and age, I know there is but one legitimate question, “What would Al do?”
Hmmm….Iran and the hostages….what would Al do? Iran in Iraq….what would Al do? The Grande Dames of Loopy Cunts….Rosie O’Donnel and Nancy Pelosi…what would Al do? Al Gore…the man who wanted to save the world so badly that he invented the end of the world…..what would Al do to Al?
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He’d do a shot, scratch his chin and say,
“Fucking Persian pirate cocksuckers kidnapped our friends (the cocksuckers!)? Maybe that is cause for cuttin’ some throat.”
Then he’d do a shot another shot, mutter “cocksuckers,” then take his anger out on the nearest whore’s vagin.
Click on my name to see what’s on John Murtha’s mind these days. Warning: it will having a ‘chilling effect’ on the rest of your morning/afternoon/teatime/teetime.
April 3rd, 2007 at 2:11 amI drink Jack Daniels on the rocks, FYI. You wouldn’t believe how much of a conversation starter that is when you’re twenty-four. Women are aroused by it; nearby men learn to fear you.
Deadwood is a reason to subscribe to HBO. Nothing like drinking along with Al.
Any recruits younger than me (of drinking age): drink whiskey, straight or on the rocks. It’ll make you into a god-damn sexual tyrannosaurus or something.
April 3rd, 2007 at 2:20 amHe’d feed them to the Chinaman’s hogs … I, personally, would stay away from the bacon in that town.
Wondering when the next season of Deadwood starts. `24′ is a bit lame this season.
April 3rd, 2007 at 4:48 amJack Daniels on the rocks? Nice. No need to detract from the perfection that is JD with something as girly as, say, a Coke! You need to try sipping on some home brew right out of a mason jar. Not only will the surrounding jabronies fear you, but they will also deem you the crazy one. It’s quite entertaining to say the least.
I don’t know what Al would do. What I do know is that I’m tired of Iran. I’m tired of Nancy Pelosi. I’m tired of Rosie “Pig” O’Donnell. I’m tired of Liberals being “surprised” at just how dangerous war can be. I’m tired of politics. I’m tired of the left’s defeatist elitism. I’m tired of the drive-by media and it’s lies.
On a happier note Rush Limbaugh is live. I’m out. Later fellas.
Justin T. Cooke, M.D.
April 3rd, 2007 at 8:36 amKeep your imperialist coke out of my tennessee whiskey!
Bourbon isn’t bad, but it has worse “after affects,” and by that I mean bourbon makes me shit. And some bourbons are a bit weird in flavor to me… anyone tried Booker’s Bourbon? (128 proof! VERY NICE, GREAT SUCCESS!)
Scotch is my favorite, but drinking cheap scotch is worse than drinking none at all. (Oban is quite nice.)
I’ve spent a lot of time as a waiter, and there seems to be quite a bit of confusion about whether Jack Daniels is bourbon or not. It is not; it is called “tennesee whiskey,” because it is filtered over charcoals to remove nasty weird shit that gives bourbon the hair on its nuts.
The history of different whiskeys and how they’re made is fascinating. (Jack Daniels ships its old fire-charred barrels to Scotland where they’ll be used for scotch!) If you’ve never tried it, regular JD (Gentlemen Jack and Private Stock are dubious) is a great place to start, and to be honest, I’d prefer it over anything besides an eight year old scotch.
April 3rd, 2007 at 9:30 amSheep on His right, goats on His left. (Matthew 25:33)
Christ warns us that we are paid according to our conduct when it comes to how we act toward our brethren, especially those in need.
For example, liberals who want our troops out of Iraq strike me as goats. (It’s not hard to imagine, since they have no moral compass anyway.) They apparently don’t care what happens to the Iraqis who have worked/are working with the coalition. Liberals seem content on giving them all a death sentence.
April 3rd, 2007 at 9:58 amHa! Consider my imperialist Coke banned from your Tennessee whiskey!
April 3rd, 2007 at 10:21 amToday I see a picture of our so-called Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, wearing a head scarf in Syria. Boy that sends a message of hope to the enemy, doesn’t it?
April 3rd, 2007 at 12:27 pmPerhaps Assad will do us all a favor, and take Grandma out to a nice seafood dinner, and NEVER CALL HER AGAIN!
April 3rd, 2007 at 12:41 pmI can’t believe Pelosi is so stupid as to bow to Islamofascist tradition. She truly is dumber than dumb. On another note, is anyone else outraged that an investigative reporter broke the story 60 days ago about Sen. Feinstein’s (who is supposed to head up the Dems Senate ethics push) huge conflict of interest in approving contracts awarded to her husband’s businesses, to the tune of $1.5 BILLION plus–and– Not one story in the LA TIMES, WASHINGTON POST or NEW YORK TIMES. Yet they run story after story about so called “scandals” such as the non outing of a non convert agent. Does that demonstrate the total left ideological cartel that controls the major print press in America?????
April 3rd, 2007 at 12:44 pmNot true…at least not yet:
“UPI/AP. This just in…US Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi captured by Al-Qaeda operatives and beheaded. Video soon to be uploaded onto YouTube. Reports conflict, but many claim that Ms. Pelosi’s last words were, “Damn Conservatives! We should get out of the Middle East and attack the Republi…..QUEAAAAAAAAAAWWWW!”
CNN and affiliate news organizations expressed sympathy for the loss of their esteemed Speaker, who challenged the Bush Regime–correction, Administration–to her last breath. Allah-hu Akbar!”
Just a thought.
April 3rd, 2007 at 12:52 pmCut all their fucking cunt throats! Just my opinion.
April 3rd, 2007 at 1:29 pmHillary wants a petition to pass the pork and kill more soldiers, my note on her website;
the will of the people included bought for votes with pork barrel spending?
this is an insult to clear thinking individuals.
straighten your back and write a bill cutting the funding immediately, if that be the will of the people.
speak your mind at
April 3rd, 2007 at 4:42 pmhttp://www.hillaryclinton.com/action/iraq/?sc=8
What would Al do? It’s not what Al would do, it’s what we should have been doing if we were allowed to by our weak kneed elected officals. We are the leaders of the free world and can back the claim. Keep the civilians out of our business.
Just a retired Marine’s opinion who has been there twice, very recently.
April 3rd, 2007 at 4:46 pmDear Concerned Citizen: If you start looking at the world and America’s interests abroad (we DO have interests abroad, not just at home), you might change your mind about this so called “ill advised military adventure.” Get a grip on the statement that China being the only “world power capable of challenging US primacy.” What the heck do you think about Iran and nukes? You need to look at what is going on globally. Because, whether we like it or not, America has to deal with other countries so that we can thrive at home. What country was your television made in? Where do you buy your gas and where do you think it came from? Who manufactures the clothes you wear? Where was your car manufacutured? PLEASE don’t be so narrow minded - that’s what’s getting America into trouble now with the dems in office!
As for the rest of us who do NOT support the message that Congress is sending the world (defeatist attitudes), we ALL need to let them know that we will not stand idly by and allow them to make a mockery of this great nation and Section 4 of the United States Constitution! Write to Congress - ALL OF THEM. Call all of them . . . I have a comprehensive list of all members of congress - if any of you want it, please e-mail me at I will be more than happy to share the list with you.
I believe we need to bombard the dems with e-mails letting them know that those who elected them into congress did not elect them to micro manage the war. That we want our troops to be provided with all the tools necessary to accomplish the mission they were sent to do. We want them to send a bill to W that is not filled with their political bullshit (pork and peanuts, not to mention other non war items) and that we whole heartedly disagree with a time table being set to withdraw our troops and de-fund the war.
There is so much more to all of this . . . the bottom line is ladies and gentlemen, our troops need funding. Period. These blogs are wonderful, but they don’t mean a hill of beans to congress if we don’t TELL them what we think. PLEASE take proactive steps in making sure our men and women have the resources they need and PLEASE do it fast.
April 3rd, 2007 at 8:19 pmQuestion for the ladies: if you were inclined to visit a country in the Middle East, and you were told to “cover up” with an ugly-ass scarf because it was dangerous not to, would you rather go there and not wear the scarf or refuse to visit such a backward hellhole on principle?
Nancy Pelosi, you’re the man now dog!
www.yourethemannowdog.com
April 3rd, 2007 at 8:35 pmADVICE NEEDED ON PT/WEIGHT LOSS
If I’ve been eating more or less right, and exercising at least two hours a day (today was over three), and I suddenly stopped losing weight for the past few days, but my chest/shoulders are bulking up, am I still on track?
I’m lifting more, I’m running more, working out itself is coming along just fine. It’s just that I dropped 15 pounds in March without trouble, and it was very consistent. Now, I’ve actually gained a pound in the last three days. I haven’t been under 200 in over 10 years (8th grade), and I’m easily in the best shape of my life. I’m doing FAR more than my recruiters/SI-PT booklet thing are asking me to do. And yes, I’m drinking water like a motherfucker.
Still working on the metabolism, although it’s getting better every day. Any ideas for late night snacks that won’t fuck me up? (Rice cakes, carrots, can’t eat popcorn… anything else?)
Also, can Gatorade make you fat? (I mean, a 32 ounce bottle consumed over a couple hours?)
April 3rd, 2007 at 8:45 pm@rumsfeld47
April 3rd, 2007 at 9:38 pmI’m not an expert but:
Eventually with your normal diet and exercise routine you will stop losing weight, it is impossible to lose weight forever. As you stated, you are starting to bulk up at chest/shoulders, maybe you are losing weight from one place, and adding weight to another?
Late night snacks: I have no idea.
Gatorade: remember one thing about gatorade, it has just as much sugar as soda. As long as you are not drinking gallons of the stuff, it should be fine.
Again, I’m not an expert but I hope that was somewhat helpful.
no late night snacks, metabolism is slowing and the energy is stored as fat and not burned. If must, no calories or carbs in snack. Most ‘fat free’ foods are scary. Fat free, but has calories or chemicals to be fat free.
April 3rd, 2007 at 10:19 pmchromium picolinate supplement daily for metabilsm boost. 4 smaller meals rather than 3 larger.
Hourly ice cold water, large glass, as cold as you can stand, the body then has to work to heat it up before leaving stomach, raising metabolism to do it.
These tips are from my son who is in Iraq. He has been working on getting into better shape over there.
You’ll get rid of it in boot camp, don’t worry.
Rumsfeld—-my husband was a recruiter for 3 years and I remember some things I learned from him when he had recruits to get ready. The few pounds you are gaining is probably muscle. Muscle weighs more than fat–good thing is muscle eats fat. So if you are still exercising and eating decently, the added muscle should start to help burn fat–plateaus where the weight loss stops usually only last about a week. As far as what to eat– generally low carb is the quickest way to drop pounds and bulk up. A good low carb snack—pork rinds are good (believe it or not). Sugar-free Jell-O tastes good and it is basically a “freebie” food. My husband uses and recommends low carb, high protein powders to make protein shakes. He got his at GNC. I think they taste like crap, but he likes them and they are good for you. They help you build muscle faster–which will increase your fat metabolism. I know Gatorade has a lot of sugar–I found this new product from Crystal Light. It is a powder you add to water to make an electrolyte Gatorade-like drink. It is sugar free (I think they sweeten it with Splenda). Anyway, my kids and I like it. If you still would like more suggestions–I can ask him next time I talk to him (generally about every 2-3 days).
April 4th, 2007 at 12:01 amAlso–are you just weighing in or are they taping you too? Some guys who are somewhat muscular might be over in weight–but when they tape and use the neck circumference in the calculations–they are good on the body fat ratio. If they take that into account–bulk up your neck!!
Good luck—you can do this!!!
Regarding the scarf question—I do know that if I were in Nancy Pelosi’s position (which is really a very safe one) when I was visiting I would not wear a scarf. In a leadership position you want to portray that you are in control. As a woman in a leadership position you can never give away your power–no wonder they think they can walk all over us. Does she walk 5 steps behind the male dignitaries she meets? I am by no means a women’s libber. I believe women can be whatever they want–and should never be a door-mat. I ran my own business (very well I might add:grin:) after my first husband passed away. However, I guess I am old-fashioned because I am comfortable with traditional gender roles. My husband respects me–we are partners–but he is head of our household. Yet, even being basically a traditionalist, I would not conform to a foreign custom that to most people is a symbol of submission.
April 4th, 2007 at 12:18 amAs I am, I probably wouldn’t have a problem with a head scarf. However, Ms. Pelosi is NOT the average chick just out for a holiday, she is third in line for the White House. She should NOT have made any deference move to the Syrians. She looks like a weak, easily manipulated patsy in that scarf. What she did is not diplomacy; diplomacy is two-sided. She completely caved in to a foreign power.
April 4th, 2007 at 6:55 amI’ve still got a “tool shed” as my roommate calls it to lose.
I agree about the scary fat-free foods. Not all fat is bad, and I’m staying the f-ck away from transfats. Four small meals a day, check. Drinking ice-cold water ’till I pee clear, check.
“plateaus where the weight loss stops usually only last about a week.” Good to know. About two weeks ago, I plateaued on weight-training/workout, and then BOOM! Plateau SMOKED!
Actually, Gatorade doesn’t have the same amount of sugar as soda–a 32oz bottle has 200 calories, I believe. And I can’t handle splenda. (When I make my own Gatorade with the mix, I cut it in half. Tastes fine.)
I leave for basic on May 7; everything up until then needs to be weight loss and bootcamp prep. Today, my PT will be spreading 3 cubic yards of mulch around all the trees in my parent’s yard with a wheelbarrow and a pitch fork–and their backyard covers about 60 yards at a 40 degree slope. Fuck!
April 4th, 2007 at 7:09 amScrew What would Al do! How about WWCD? What Would Chesty Do?
April 4th, 2007 at 4:04 pmrumsfield47….
As others have said, you will stop losing weight at a certain point… The main thing to do is NOT get discouraged… keep on a chuggin’ and it will come. Since muscle weighs more than fat, you will actually see a gain in weight (as others have so astutely pointed out). It’s at this point however, you need to start more anaerobic type exerices, longer durations… and do different types of exercies…jump rope, swim if you can get to a pool, etc.. as for the gatorade, there other alternative drinks (low calorie) similar in type. Powerade actually has reduced calories. However.. you could always stick to water…. Good Luck!
April 4th, 2007 at 4:07 pmSince you brought it (booze) up Rumsfeld47, I once had some Polish white lightning brought back from ‘the old country’ by a friend.
April 5th, 2007 at 1:04 pmIt was served in a hesvy glass thimble which was placed in a dish of ice.
I should say I tried to drink it.
Right after it took the skin off my lips, it vaporized and went straight up through my sinuses and out my skull.
Very smooth, though. That’s all I can remember.
Rumsfeld47
The easy way: separate protein with fats /from carbs.
If you have, e.g., spaghetti and meatballs, eat the pasta for one meal and then have the meat at another. That is the easiest but not the fastest. Atkins is the quickest but after the two week detox, reset the body period, you must really like lotsa veggies, salads and things like cream or half n’ half and fresh berries as breakfast. It would be best to pick up his book to get the science–he writes it well and had forty years of bucking the AMA and result in his research and patients.
Gatorade is only good when exercising to the point of heavy sweat, otherwise the potassium interferes with heart rhythm and can cause irregular beats and in some cases ischemia or infarct (heart attack). This has been happening to kids who have substituted gatorade for fruit juice to watch the sugar.
Ice water may dilute digestive juices so you might lose nutrients that aren’t leached out in the stomach. It can also shock and cramp the stomach so you might foster duodenitis or gastritis, which are really annoying and can get in the way of enjoying life.
Remember your body needs good fats:lard, bacon, meat fat, olive oil, butter. I eat this way and my cholest. is 135.
Think of it this way: cholesterol is the engine oil the mitochondria need whenever the cells (body) are stressed.
The big pharmas are wrong about so many things–and prescribed statins (lipitor, etc) are bad news for the body but good for their bottom line (cha-ching!).
Women (usually) who eat no fat and work out just make expensive piss since vits. A,B,D,E and K are fat soluable and the nerves, muscle sheaths, brain, etc, need fat to function properly.
Look at it this way: 100 yrs ago heart attacks and cancer were unheard of. So eat peasant food. Avoid arificials, processed. If you don’t want to cook, eat deli. Don’t sweat the fats but keep the complex (processed) carbs limited.
For flushing/hydration: the first piss of the day should be the only one with scent or colour. The rule of thumb is half you body weight in oz. of water (as long as kidneys and heart are sound).
I personally love the buddha look of men but then that’s just me. Usually men have to wait until age gives them that. I do know many want the rock hard. To each his own.
April 5th, 2007 at 1:23 pmHeather knows whereof she speaks. (or rather writes)
I like MetRx shakes, add a banana, frsh nutmeg and more real vanilla to the vanilla (and some honey) and Valrhona cocoa powder to cut the artificial sweetener taste to the chocolate, or even some cuban coffee leftover from breakfast. Makes it a bit bitter but really good with lotsa ice on a hot day.
April 5th, 2007 at 1:30 pmIf you’ve ever had a Dairy Queen Blizzard, you’ll know what it’s like. Excellent summer meal.
Let me walk you through my food day:
BREAKFAST (as soon as I get up)
1.5 strips of low sodium bacon
2 large eggs
2 pieces of wheat toast, or a small serving of cereal/oatmeal, or some fresh fruit
sometimes 6oz coffee or juice
500 mg niacin
LUNCH (about 4 hours after breakfast)
granola bar (or toast)
protein (sometimes tuna, sometimes whatever’s left over)
WORKOUT
DINNER
8 oz gatorade
small serving of meat
small serving veg
small starch
EVENING SNACK
rice cake
Now, this isn’t a complete list; I eat the occassional cookie, have the occassional nibble, but none of that is significant (over 100 calories at once) and it’s usually because I’m hungry. I drink at least 16, usually 20 oz ice water every three hours throughout the day, usually 16 oz with every meal. (It helps me feel “full,” which is a problem.)
For the past two days, I’ve noticed that my stomach is registering fullness, but my mind wants to keep eating. This is a good thing, and it’s progress–listening to my gut instead of my mind’s gut. I’m not ODing on the Gatorade, I don’t think; I drink it slowly after I work out, and I usually cut it with 1/3 water or so. I learned at my first USMC workout that exercise and full stomachs don’t mix. At all. I don’t even sip water while I’m working out anymore–I’ll rinse and spit, usually takes care of me.
And I’m really having a hard time going to bed feeling hungry, but I’m getting better.
April 5th, 2007 at 2:39 pmRummy,
It’s the JD that’s making you soft. You need to get on the Austin Nichol’s program and drink Wild Turkey. Or maybe some of that cock-sucker-mother-fucker Jeremiah Weed. In the 69th season of Deadwood, they will reveal that Al moves to the desert north of Las Vegas and opens a distillery, but that’s another story.
Just change your workout up every 3-4 weeks. If you keep doing the same program over and over your body adapts and quites growing. And as far as eating goes there is a formula to follow:
Calories in
April 5th, 2007 at 4:06 pmHmm, I gues it thought that was HTML or something.
Burn more than you eat and you will loose weight.
April 5th, 2007 at 4:08 pmYeah, thanks for the tip, Lurch. I’ve definitely hit a five day plateau, although mini-boot camp is this weekend (hoo-rah), and we’ll be running and sweating and if that doesn’t push me under 200, perhaps sleeping outside will. (Temp is supposed to be 22 tomorrow night!)
I’ve drank a lot of Wild Turkey. I had to stop because the hair on my nutsack got so thick it needs to be vaccuumed. Should keep my balls warm tomorrow night, though.
April 5th, 2007 at 6:33 pm