Sex Ed Video: Cavuto On Va Jay Jay
I not sayin’…I’m just sayin’…
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13 Responses
Respond now.
Be respectful of others and their opinions. Inflammatory remarks and inane leftist drivel will be deleted. It ain’t about free speech, remember you’re in a private domain. My website, my prerogative.
If you can't handle using your real email address, don't bother posting a comment.
Haha a weenie and a noonie. thats hilarious!
February 13th, 2008 at 2:33 pmSounds like two new Teletubbies …
February 13th, 2008 at 2:47 pmSpeaking of two daughters and their respective noonies who have now entered the more serious dating age, I have decided to construct a few rules for dating my daughters:
Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them.
Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four:
I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing a ‘Barrier method’ of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: ‘early.’
Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge . Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folkʼs homes are better.
Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten:
February 13th, 2008 at 2:52 pmBe afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi . When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
yea i’ve never heard of a “noonie” either.
February 13th, 2008 at 2:59 pmI wonder if “noonie” is a derivative of “nooner?”
Oh, to be young again.
February 13th, 2008 at 3:10 pmGoodbye Natalie!!!
Rules every father & mother should live by.
In my teens, my father threw out every boy I brought home. His answer to why he did it?? They were trash and not good enough. My father was right EVERY TIME.
February 13th, 2008 at 3:14 pmYou are a classic, Sir!
BOTH my two older daughters always warned their new dates/boyfriends about me.
“My Dad’s a nice guy, but my Mom … she’s a hard-ass. Talk to her, but DON’T make eye-contact. She CAN read minds …”
February 13th, 2008 at 3:20 pmWhat the fuck, over.
February 13th, 2008 at 3:20 pm“Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool.”
loooool
February 13th, 2008 at 3:53 pmI knew not to use that term in the wrong way a long time ago.
February 13th, 2008 at 4:13 pm@Goodbye Natalie:
My father’s a nice guy (when he’s sober). The one the guys my sisters date worry about is me. They’ve all said they’re well aware if they hurt my sisters a world of suffering will crash down on them, without me having to say anything.
February 13th, 2008 at 5:09 pmGlad you guys and gals enjoyed that. Tic, {snicker}
I remember courting my wife, who just happens to have three crazed brothers. I knew in specific terms early on be nice or I was going to get my ass kicked.
I was nice.
February 13th, 2008 at 5:49 pmI have not had to worry about my daughters one bit (thank God)
February 13th, 2008 at 9:15 pmBut the other predatory females that chase my son are a real twist for me. He is a true gentleman and (so far as I know)has
resisted their offers (out of fear that his old man would make him do the right thing if one of them ended up pregnant).
Responsibility training.