Dumb Bitches
Laurie David & Sheryl Crow
Oh, before you read these two twelve-year olds in their own words, a quick tip on Laurie David. Don’t believe for one second that Karl Rove was the rude one. Check this shit:
From The New York Times: “The environmental campaigner Laurie David, the wife of Larry David of the HBO series “Curb Your Enthusiasm, worked herself into a lather not long ago over a Hummer-driving mother in the parking lot of the Crossroads School in Los Angeles. She rolled down her Prius window to share her displeasure. “I said,” Mrs. David recalled, ” `Are you crazy to bring this car into this parking lot? Do you understand how dangerous it is to the kids you can’t see?”
So by her own admission, Laurie David goes around assauling strangers in parking lots, like it’s cool, because she’s certain she’s smarter than them. And they need to hear from her. The whole planet does. Nurse Ratched anyone? She and Al are certain we just can’t make it without them. Narcissistic Personality Disorder anyone?
And I’ve got a funny Larry David story for later. But here’s the Dipshit Duo in their own self-centered, self-annointed words, from the Washington Post:
“Singer Sheryl Crow and environmentalist Laurie David have been traveling across America on a two-week Stop Global Warming College Tour, which winds up today at George Washington University. Crow and David (co-producer of the documentary “An Inconvenient Truth” and wife of “Curb Your Enthusiasm’s” Larry David) have been touting their cause and chronicling their travels in a rather idiosyncratic blog. Here, on Earth Day, are a few excerpts:
David (4/10, Dallas): I am jogging outside in 40 degree freezing cold . . . 70 degrees in January and 40 degrees in April. That is exactly why Sheryl Crow and I are in a biodiesel bus going thru the Southeast visiting college campuses to talk about the urgency of this issue and how everyone . . . everyone . . . has to start doing something. I would write more, but I have to go run warm water over my hands and thaw out from my run.
Crow and David (4/18, Nashville): Our other surprise was a visit by former Vice President Al Gore who sat and talked with us on the bus about what he hopes to see happen in this country as the stop global warming movement catches fire. Having the former Vice President visit was like having your dad show up for Father’s Weekend at the sorority house. We were giddy with excitement and proud to show him our home away from home.
Crow (4/19, Springfield, Tenn.): I have spent the better part of this tour trying to come up with easy ways for us all to become a part of the solution to global warming. Although my ideas are in the earliest stages of development, they are, in my mind, worth investigating. One of my favorites is in the area of forest conservation which we heavily rely on for oxygen. I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don’t want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required.
Crow (4/19): I also like the idea of not using paper napkins, which happen to be made from virgin wood and represent the height of wastefulness. I have designed a clothing line that has what’s called a “dining sleeve.” The sleeve is detachable and can be replaced with another “dining sleeve,” after usage. The design will offer the “diner” the convenience of wiping his mouth on his sleeve rather than throwing out yet another barely used paper product. I think this idea could also translate quite well to those suffering with an annoying head cold.
Crow (4/19): This next idea I have been saving but I will share it with you if you promise not to steal it. It is my latest, very exciting idea for creating incentive for us all to minimize our own personal carbon footprints. It’s a reality show. (I feel pretty certain NO ONE has thought of this yet!) Here is the premise: the contest consists of 10 people who are competing for the top spot as the person who lives the “greenest” life. This will be reflected in the contestant’s home, his business, and his own personal living style. The winner of this challenging, prestigious, contest would receive what??. . . . a recording contract!!!!!
David (4/20, Charlottesville): Sheryl couldn’t be with me tonight because of a previous commitment [Crow traveled to New York for a show that wasn’t part of the tour] but luckily rock stars have rock star friends. Tonight, I spoke outside the gorgeous Charlottesville pavilion, in front of a couple of thousand slightly inebriated college men (there to see the wonderful Robert Randolph and the Family Band) who were forced to sit through the opening act . . . me. Truly, it was one of the most challenging 20 minutes of my life. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw guys yawning, I heard kids saying “where’s the music?” and I think I heard the “b” word. I rushed through the speech and when I walked off the stage I immediately burst into tears. Not because I took anything personally but because it was so clear how much work is still to be done. Tonight served as a stark reminder that social change is a journey and I learned tonight that not every stop is going to be easy.”
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“Our other surprise was a visit by former Vice President Al Gore who sat and talked with us on the bus about what he hopes to see happen in this country as the stop global warming movement catches fire.”
Oh, how I *wish* they would actually burst into hellfire.
I almost fell off my fucking chair when I read about Crow’s “one sheet per bathroom visit” solution.
THESE PEOPLE ARE FUCKING NUTS. Seriously. They are poison to reason and logic—the antithesis of common sense.
On a related note, I see the Associated (with Terrorists) Press isn’t into “transparency” anymore since they called Rove “the Dark Lord.” (Bias? What bias?)
April 23rd, 2007 at 8:50 amSheryl Crow an environmentalist? Isn’t she hawking Clairol hair dye? Yeah, I’ve seen the commercials.
Does a serious environmentalist try to get women across the country to buy a chemical product that, when rinsed off, ends up in the ocean?
April 23rd, 2007 at 10:52 amLove this site!
Cheers
April 23rd, 2007 at 11:21 amOne square per visit ?
That explains the corn & peanuts on their hands in the picture.
April 23rd, 2007 at 11:26 amWhat else can you expect from people like these? They have no clue as to how 98% of the country lives. The fact that so many liberals started out dirt poor and are now very well off would make one think they really do understand. But you have to look closer to realize several things. They have no idea how to get by on the average income. Since they have money, spending it frivolously has no impact on the world, only the less fortunate need to change their lifestyles. As wealthy people, it is up to them to dictate how we should live, and we need to idolize them for this foresight. this could go on forever…
What they don’t say is Mz. Crow’s normal tour caravan consists of several busses, SUVs and cars. If she were real about changing the world, give up touring. Next thing you know she will be partnering with Algore the alchemist, founder of the internet, to buy even more carbon offset credits from companies that the worthless Algoe either owns or sits on the board, drawing a healthy salary. Remember, Algore refused to sign anything to reduce his energy consumption, which is what we can expect from the Crow/David duo.
Hypocrites, nothing but hypocrites. If they were serious, they should have worked on one of their websites, rather than using a bus, bio deisel or not, to travel to a dozen colleges. I do not know which colleges they went to but I am willing to bet they were all bastions of left wing fanaticism and mind control. All this tour was designed to do was to create more little spineless tree hugging libs to lead the charge, while the puppetmasters (Gore CrowDavis, etc) earn fat checks and live even higher, consuming even more.
April 23rd, 2007 at 11:48 amHey my dog is a bitch and she has more brains that crow/david combined!
April 23rd, 2007 at 1:46 pmHey guys… And please make sure to only use one sheet of of Scotts toilet paper when wiping your asses.
April 23rd, 2007 at 1:46 pm“God I feel like shit tonight,
April 23rd, 2007 at 2:22 pmstreams of crap I cannot fight,
will Charmin work or will Scott’s pass,
are you strong enough to wipe my ass?”
haha… stay away from taco bell!
Scotts will do the trick… 1000 sheets goes a long way!
April 23rd, 2007 at 3:20 pm“Duuuuhhhhhh which way did he george which way did he go?” Are these two lame brains serious?I’m going to use a whole roll the next time I go, that’s for damn sure.
Rummy keep it going,I want the rest…
April 23rd, 2007 at 3:21 pmGreetings:
Meet the enemy folks. Take a good look. I am willing to bet a great deal of money (or toilet paper) that persons such as these led Europe down the yellow brick road into the poppy field.
You know what I say? I say we mail one piece of toilet paper to the dynamic duo, used.
Anybody got an address?
Tim Roesch
Command Private Major
BTW - Pat , heard anything about London become Hiroshima? I heard, today, that MI6 has credible evidence of a credible threat.
Everyone thinks nuke but, being a biochemist, I am thinking of the corollary to ‘better living through chemistry’.
April 23rd, 2007 at 3:23 pmDumb Bitches say it all.
April 23rd, 2007 at 4:05 pmwhoops
Dumb Bitches says it all.
April 23rd, 2007 at 4:06 pmNot to splits hairs but the amount of oxygen we get from phytoplankton in the ocean is exponentially greater than that obtained from forests of the world. Sheryl, if you want to play the environmental informer, GO TO COLLEGE.
Keep up the good work Pat.
April 23rd, 2007 at 5:21 pmMy wife says fuck that, minimum four!!
April 23rd, 2007 at 5:39 pmI am really beyond sick of these assholes telling us where and how to live, what to eat what not to eat, when a baby is actually a person with rights, how/what to think about everything from war to politics to economics, what to wear, what to drive … And now they (she) want to tell me with what and how much to wipe my ass??
Get the fuck out of my life, and stay the fuck out.
Mind your own cooter, Sheryl!
Yet another example of the former Soviet Union … They rationed toilet paper there too.
Yunz recall that episode of “Seinfeld” where Elaine was stuck in the movie theater bathroom stall with no paper and was trying to get the woman in the next stall to slip her “a square”? The other woman refused saying she didn’t have a square to spare? (Elaine finds out later the woman had been Jerry’s date at the movies). Anyhow, this whole Crow/TP bullshit reminds me of that episode. “I don’t have a square to spare…”
April 23rd, 2007 at 7:58 pmHey, Sheryl, bite me.
What next, websites that sell “toilet paper offsets”? I will be sure to let my evil war causing truck idle while I sit on the throne, with a cigar, and use extra toilet paper to offset hers.
Hell, I might even exhale and fart at the same time. I have been known to take risks!
April 23rd, 2007 at 8:37 pmI counted eleven. And I don’t care.
April 23rd, 2007 at 8:39 pmJ_dub right on, trees produce ~20% of the o2 in the atmosphere, microbes produce the vast majority, infact if you killed all the microbes that produce 02 and just left it up to the trees we would all die in 20 years.
Sorry to crash the tree-huggers party but their lies cant be tolerated anymore!
April 23rd, 2007 at 9:45 pmI follow my african friends advice and use the newspaper to wipe my ass. Its environmentally friendly and places media opinions in their proper place!
April 23rd, 2007 at 10:25 pmthose commie bastards… whats next? a t.p. tax?
nobody should tell me how to wipe my ass.
April 23rd, 2007 at 10:28 pmAnswer to the 1 sheet wipe technique:
____________ Insert middle finger and voila!
April 23rd, 2007 at 10:41 pm| |
| _ |
| / \ |
| \_/ |
| |
|__________| And I remember when this was just a joke.
“Dumb Cunts” would have been better.
April 23rd, 2007 at 11:36 pmFew things are sacred, one of them is TP. You don’t fuck with a mans TP. I bet those slits even bring the shit to the clit. They aren’t even worth a donkey punch.
April 24th, 2007 at 12:27 amThese dizzy hos give dizzy hos a bad name, so your title is both accurate and apropos. Drive on!
April 24th, 2007 at 1:11 amIf she pulled that shit with my wife, she’d have been clocked, wedgied, bitch-slapped, and “corrected” for her obvious No-Go.
April 24th, 2007 at 1:14 amByron York in National Review’s online page has the REAL story of what happened between the two dipshits and Rove. Here’s the link:
http://corner.nationalreview.com/post/?q=NzQ5Njk5Y2I1MmY5Y2YzMGYzMDhkOGQ4MzZjNDJlMDg=
As usual, the libs make the first attack, then claim victimhood.
April 24th, 2007 at 1:20 amI wonder if SHE actually follows her own doctorine?
April 24th, 2007 at 1:32 amIdiots! (oops) 2 Idiots!!
April 24th, 2007 at 1:33 amTWO INBRED SELF APPOINTED INTELLECTUALS! DO AS I SAY NOT AS I DO DUMMY BITCHES!!
April 24th, 2007 at 6:34 amNow I understand the part of the oath I took when I enlisted…
“To defend my country against all enemies foreign and DOMESTIC”
April 24th, 2007 at 6:40 amWow liberals and Dems everywhere should be so proud that two ignorant women-one who sings and one who marrys well have something to say- Who really cares and as for one sheet in the john WTF she is plain stupid crazy.
April 24th, 2007 at 7:23 amSince the other planets are warming also does that not indicate that we might look at the sun as for the reasons it is a tad warmer than it was 100 years ago?
Can we not send the L&D to Canada or France. Perhaps Mexico would work for them. Why are there so many idiots in Hollywood?
Can we get a little feedback here on how many sheets real people on average use? Someone mentioned 4 minimum, and even that conjures up images of furious scrubbing of my hands
So I checked, and I’d say 6 to 7 sheets for first wipe, and at least 4 for consecutive wipes, which can be as many as 4.. 3 at least
So for me, 200 lb 6′4″ male, about 20 sheets per visit.
I suppose if all I ate was granola and sun-dried tofu, I might get away with 1 sheet, perhaps even none. Not about to try it though.
April 24th, 2007 at 8:46 amWhat else can I say that hasn’t all ready been said. Both these women are so foolish, so stupid, and so self-absorbed…maybe that’s why the 1 square of TP comment was made…cause their bodies are absorbing their own excrement? Muddling their brains and judgements? They don’t need to poop as much? Good gracious, PLEASE don’t make me use just one square of TP! I’d be spreading germs all over the place if that was the case!
RE: the comment of “granola and sun-dried tofu”..that’s their next territory…To get all us Dorito/Taco Bell/McDonald’s/meat eating, fat, slovenly, red-necked slobs up to speed with their granola-Starbucks-slinging ways! Anyone 25 pounds over their “ideal” weight is going to be sent to a special “camp” until we denounce our evil ways. Mark my words…first it was the smokers, next it’ll be us fatties who can’t fit into a size 3.
Maybe Ms. Crow can come wipe my a** with her one sheet of TP, and see how ridiculous her brilliant “ideas” are. She’d probably change her mind real fast, so, I officially volunteer my butt for the cause, if it will make her a smarter, American-loving person. I’m really wiling to sacrifice my rear for that cause!
April 24th, 2007 at 9:44 amWhy doesn’t Crow, Gore and the rest of the elites just lower their energy consumption and their carbon footprints to that of the average American and I think this over-hyped “Global Warming” scare could all go away. I love their transparent hypocrisy. Crow travels on tour with 6 cars, and about 3 tractor trailers and 4 busses I believe. Talk about a carbon footprint. I wish they would go live in trees in the rainforest and leave the rest of us alone.
April 24th, 2007 at 9:51 amShit on both them Bitches and then give them only one sheet of TP see if that changes their way of thinking…
April 24th, 2007 at 10:45 amI think the contest for the greenest life is the best!:!: Everyone know that living a green life and singing go hand in hand, it makes such good sense to give the winner a record contract.
Rather than using toilet paper Cheryl should invent a sleeve similar to her “dining sleeve” with which to wipe ourselves.
She should have been an :idea:inventor:idea: instead of a singer. At least then she would never have been famous and we wouldn’t have to listen to her.
My carbon footprint should be on her ass.
April 24th, 2007 at 11:21 amI propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don’t want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required.
Now who will enforce this? A new division of the EPA, the Toilet Police. If caught using more than 3 SQ’s you could be fined up to 1000 dollars, second offence could be a fine up to 10000 dollars and no less than 5yrs in prison. These people are wack
April 24th, 2007 at 11:42 amSome great person said once it is frequently better to sit quietly by and let people think you are an idiot than to open your mouth and confirm their suspicions…apparently these two never heard that one.. as for algore
April 24th, 2007 at 12:00 pmOh, now Sheryl says it was just a joke. hmmm, `bout sums up the whole “sky is falling!” GW movement: Full of shit without a square to spare.
April 24th, 2007 at 12:00 pm“What next, websites that sell “toilet paper offsets”? I will be sure to let my evil war causing truck idle while I sit on the throne, with a cigar, and use extra toilet paper to offset hers.
Hell, I might even exhale and fart at the same time. I have been known to take risks!”
Greg - USA
Better watch that last threat if you’re still smoking the cigar at the time … You could become a major “carbon offset”
“I follow my african friends advice and use the newspaper to wipe my ass. Its environmentally friendly and places media opinions in their proper place! ”
TJ,
April 24th, 2007 at 12:03 pmThat’s possibly the damn best idea I’ve heard on this subject! I suggest the NYTimes and LATimes … A real luxury wipe would be with pages of Crow’s sheet music.
Maybe they should try the ole fashion way–drip dry
April 24th, 2007 at 12:48 pmDon’t you see that if they keep telling this myth about global warming to people eventually someone might believe them.In the scientific community to prove you must first dis prove.Are they doing that NO.It is all for money.Check and see how much money chest is up for grabs for funding research on this theory.THey are just out to FLEECE America!!!
April 24th, 2007 at 1:00 pmALSO…. Don’t you just love how these people like Gore can’t stand on their own but have to have someone like Crow or Bon Jovi or some other traitor American who need to go and live in Cuba with NO special preferential treatment. If they really where peace loving instead of spreading hate talk they would do something good for our country like LEAVING and not coming back.But first they need an education because all they do is spread something they heard but know nothing about.
April 24th, 2007 at 1:07 pmLu,
Gore gloms onto the celebs because he (they, as in GW crowd) know there is a certain section of sociaty that can’t think for themselves and only take their info from such ding bats. What gets me laughing loudly is when the GWs point their smelly fingers at the opposition’s scientists and scream that they are being funded by big oil and such. Well, who the hell is funding them (GW crowd), their scientists, and all their nomadic traveling across the country and around the world??!!
Anyhow, a bit off topic, but yunz have to see this if you didn’t watch the Country Music Awards the other night. Gave me goose bumps …
Jeff Foxworthy tells it like it is
http://hotair.com/archives/2007/04/21/jeff-foxworthy-tells-it-like-it-is/
April 24th, 2007 at 1:29 pmI need Crow’s address. Can anyone help me? I got my new telephone book yesterday and I thought I would mail her my old one.. Well over 500 pages, if she tears them in half that would be over 1000 wipes. Assuming she does wipe.
Wow, I think I am onto something here. Beats the hell out of one square:!: 
April 24th, 2007 at 5:27 pmThe thing that got me most about the media reaction to all this was the attempt to give the two butches credibility.
It was the retort to Rove’s “I serve Americans” ….
MSM: ” …arent the two butches Americans?”
No - they aren’t! They do not represent any American other than themselves, and therefore they sould address their representatve - not Rove - damit!
I get really pissed
when someone self appoints themselves to speak for Americans.
Second: They’re
April 24th, 2007 at 7:23 pmI just followed the links posted by STG-41 here in the comments above. I am nearly without words. These two women cheerfully write in the Huffington Post and brag about how rude they were to Rove. They grabbed his arm. YGTBFKM!!!!! If Rove had grabbed her arm, can you imagine the furor? They are proud of speaking to him rudely and poking his chest. Can someone please, please tell me why liberals think they have the right to assault the rest of us (verbally & physically) with their free speech? Why they think their opinions trump Rove’s right to attend this function unmolested? Where do they get off? Worse, there are 600 some odd comments over at HuffPo applauding them.
April 24th, 2007 at 7:48 pmLet’s try this…..I am a conservative, pro-military Republican. How about if I go up to Nancy Pelosi and poke her in the chest while I tell her to stop hassling my President? How about if I go up to Harry Reid and grab his arm when he doesn’t listen to me tell him that war in Iraq is not lost?
How much bail money do I need?
Fuck toilet paper, I’m going to use Sheryl Crow CDs to wipe my ass from now on. Although I don’t know how that’ll work–I’ll finally get to test the ultimate question:
Can you wipe your ass with a piece of shit?
April 24th, 2007 at 7:54 pmHave you ever seen the movie Demolition Man? If these whiny bitches have their way, that’s what the world would look like. A bunch of robe wearing pussies.
“He doesn’t know how to use the three seashells”
Fuck that! Drink, Smoke, use all the TP you want, go eat at taco bell and McD’s, go sit on your front porch with a shotgun. Or if you live in New Hampshire carry a gun on you anywhere you go. Open carry is legal here.
I love NH!!!
April 24th, 2007 at 7:59 pmHow did NH get so cool with f’ing vermont next door?
April 24th, 2007 at 8:06 pmI was gonna say something about VT not being that bad, but I couldn’t think of anything.
April 24th, 2007 at 8:51 pmThe only thing Vermont has done right that I can see is you can conceal carry there without a permit.
Other than that, all of us New Englanders just ignore them. They’re just a bunch of cow farmers anyway.
After realising how stupid she sounded, sheryl now says she was joking about the one sheet per use.
dont worry sheryl we still think very little of you!
April 26th, 2007 at 4:38 amThese “Illumonati” are really in the dark about the plight that real working people have to go through. The only excrement I “SEE” is the kind that they are trying to spread to the uninformed American public. Hell if I need to wipe my ass with a pine cone instead of toilet paper, I will. But it will be MY desision not some upwardly mobile twit with high intentions and low mentality that dictates what and where I will take care of hygenics. They should have been to some of the countries that I have been to where there is a hole in the floor and that is the only way to alliviate the need to go, and forget about TP,that is a luxury. Of course ,being independantly wealthy, they wouldn’t have to wOrry about that now would they?
April 26th, 2007 at 11:07 amDear Sheryl, I find 1 square foot, or even 1 square yard of tissue is all I ever need! If you mean you’re getting by on just 1 little square of 2-ply TP, then you must be just dusting the cocaine off your nostrils….Live & let live, OK? Mark
April 26th, 2007 at 6:57 pmPlease.
I call those two “Twit and Twitter.”
April 30th, 2007 at 5:20 pmThe worst part about all of their little sheltered primadonna blind hooker bullshit is the silly bitch wants to legislate the bathroom. WTF? Be it a joke or not why would legislating the sactum sanctorum even cross someone’s mind. Besides in order to wipe one’s anus with a single ply one must have a toothpick to clean the nail. Which a toothpick has to be at least 4 or 5 sheets…at least.
That is the worst part about these militant tree hugging environmentalist doosh bags. They are democratic-socialists. Democratic when it suits them and socialist whenever else they can successfully sneak their pork barrel BS into legitimate proposals in order to better control (legislate) the American people. They should all have their rectum rectorums sutured shut to better facilitate choking on their own feces.
Communism doesn’t work asswad. Ask a russian.
I think the environment’s super great! I do my part to save the planet and shit too. My rig get’s 10 to the gallon so I got to at least counterbalance my hedonistic imperialist gun toting ways. Having mountains and forest to go hang out in to get away from drooling fucktards like the two jiz stains quoted in the main is as close to zen as a redneck can get. But lobbying congress to legislate the use and or activities conducted in a citizens private property (especially the shitter) is just plain unconstitutional as I see it. But what the hell they don’t give a damn about the Constituion anyways it was written on paper so it’s environmentally unfriendly.
Besides we are pretty fucking environmentally friendly when it comes down to it. These choad guzzling bigots should go stump in a third world hell hole like the ones they adopt babies from. The only way some of those places would be more environmentally brutal is if their cars/trucks actually ran on friggin coal.
Oh and re: the ruffles on the blouse for wiping one’s face. Um most of the paper napkins that I buy, pretty sure you guys too, are f-n made from recycled paper not “virgin” wood. [And isn’t cotton a plant? As well as the flax for linen? What would the dummy use? Polyester? Rayon? Ever tried to get BBQ stains out of poly? OxyClean my nuts!]
What an ass clown. Federal forestry regulations require a tree to be a certain thickness (age) before it can be felled. Silly little girl go suck on yer bio-diesel tour bus tail pipe. WHORE!
Harrr-d-har har
I feel better. How ’bout you?
August 3rd, 2007 at 4:44 pm